she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
