i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize