Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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