dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
