based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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