3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
