Duck Duck Cougar?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
