I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
