I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
