i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
