Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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