Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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