he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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