I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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