Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
