So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
