An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
last night I used snow as a chaser
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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