Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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