I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
