i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
