Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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