She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
A bitchslap is in order.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
