final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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