rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
