apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
