my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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