I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
