I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
