Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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