Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All the doctor said was why
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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