When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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