wrigley field is MILF paradise
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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