Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
