hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
