this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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