i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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