Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
