alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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