Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
