there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
