Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
