Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
