i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
