I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
