just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
