Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
