so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
