whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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