Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
