i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was born a porn star she said
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
