I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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