Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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