I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
