If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize