I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
