SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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