Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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