u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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