those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
