Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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