I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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