Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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