in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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