Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
