remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
