The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
