I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
