I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
