I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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