You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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