Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
