He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
