Apparently you make a good broom.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
